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and she dies, and she resurrects, and she dies, and I think you know what comes next

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my hearts been beating out of my chest we slump against the floor and sob like people who've already died sing to me softly and appear to me like an angel in the twinkle of my eye im going to hold this worthless heart of mine against yours. won't you let me crush your ribcage, please let me reconvene with friends and lovers for counsel they won't know what I should do. let me hear an angel sing through the screen before i pull the trigger, birdcall will ring for you so ask me if I'm happy about who I've become and ill whistle through my teeth at the red light, put my hand on the empty passenger seat  and pretend to hold your hand tears, lots of tears falling out my eyes the young cop asks me to count to five if you ask me if I like the person I've become, I'll tell you I feel alive, my heart's beating out of my chest we slump against the wall and breathe like people who are about to die I want to sing softly for you, will I?
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penultimate meal / going home

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big fountain drink, you can tell the ice  was frozen with water from the tap, yeah, tastes real nice you're going home four days early, you're going home already, you're going home, aren't you ecstatic, aren't you ecstatic to review the footage aren't you ecstatic to see that everything is the same? have you had enough to drink? have you had your fill? have you? there is not anything,  not anyplace that's really,  that really is a retreat [as part of the "field research: united states (august 2026)" series]
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girl in bellevue

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all your excesses try to justify itself here grow many arms and grasp wildly slump over and hike up your mask get ready to chop off some heads when you return home you're gonna wake up with a thirst for blood, yes, come to play, but you may find the rules a little strict.   [as part of the "field research: united states (august 2026)" series]    
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transit to seattle

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  order number 143 dragon fruit dripping down the plastic cup through the crevices of the ice like blood, like purple-pink blood, little pieces of seed viscera, crunchy, sweet and stale shoulderless uniform that made little sense in the wellington temperature now finds its use here you freeze the air to stay awake, maybe three hours in I remember a memory of singing poorly to someone, and then I sneak a fraught smile at you miss the exit to battle ground, your remarks snide I've got pudding for a backbone, So do you! [as part of the "field research: united states (august 2026)" series]    
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girl in portland

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  well, you have to invite the little fly on the wall in, and forgive him for the buzzing. he'll, look at you strange, but it won't mean nothing some things are not worth losing your head over, and some things are; this is not one of them, or at least, I try to tell you without getting you defensive. the heat today isn't too unpleasant I usually try to find home in everything, but I don't feel that desperate here [as part of the "field research: united states (august 2026)" series]    
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transit to portland

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  It's 4am in the morning I'm listening to the opening scene of my favorite video game, kingdom hearts 1 the one where kairi wakes up sora on the beach after the station of awakening I whisper the whole scene under my breath, god, I used to wish I sound like Hayden Panettiere as a kid [as part of the "field research: united states (august 2026)" series]    
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girl in elk grove

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hospitality of people who are too affluent to feel like you owe them anything arbitrary thoughts of my father making me melancholic that's the biggest cat I've ever seen [as part of the "field research: united states (august 2026)" series]  
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