biscuit's dreaming; clouds above its head

I get excited, so excited to tell you I only remember what this place meant to us after it's too late  This suburban train station on the way to Akihabara looks so strange and old I'm still in Tokyo, I'm still here, right? I hear the train carriage scream and wail as it rolls into the station At the old retro game store I almost cry That's a copy of so and so.... Staring at me right in the face Oh, that's a rare copy of so and so that I'll never find anywhere else at this price. Staring at me right in the face Oh, that's a copy of Shenmue for the Dreamcast. For 1020 yen. Woah, girls' eyes are so wide and shiny, aren't they? My eyelids hang low in total defiance Even as I grin and giggle my eyes sneer As if I felt like a mockery of girls enough  As if I feel like I don't belong here enough But they compliment my hair and chat about life It's your hair again in the crowd But I just blink and walk by this time  Haah.... the rails seem so especia...

hey, so I'm on the express train all alone to Kobe  head rested against the window, watching the countryside fly back it's nice, it's nice except the weather is quite cloudy this morning and the Detective Conan theming of the Super Hakuto limited express train is taking me out a little but I'm on way to Kobe I got 10,000 yen in my pocket and no plans when I get there monuments to marital trade stories high I walk straight down to the waterfront this city feels so empty in this corner so big and empty barely anyone to be seen on the waterfront fishermen and a man in high vis waving signs at a distant cargo ship with his arms ferris wheel in the distance teens smoking by the carpark does this place feel like Wellington like I thought? well, it doesn't really look the same. maybe at generous angles, it could look similar, but it really doesn't but the wind here feels comforting the light drizzle from the clouds feels reassuring the pigeons don't get too bothere...

My eyes are dim and heavy this morning. I'm stronger than this But I have no agency in my life I hate being dragged along for shit I don't care about I hate being treated like a child. I always have. I hate being called "boy". Funny enough, no one in Japan has made that mistake. Only my family. I used to grin in glee when people used to call me a girl. Haha!! You must be mistaken. I'm actually a very cute gay boy!!! I silently think to myself. Now I smile politely and bow lightly and make no fuss of it. That's really kind of you, I silently think to myself. I stare at the copy of Ryu Murakami's "Coin Locker Babies" on the hotel's book shelf And I widen my eyes a bit Ryu Murakami? He wrote the original novel for "Audition" I wrote about the Takashi Miike adaptation for my film course last trimester Wow... they have a copy of "Coin Locker Babies"? Hey -did you know that this book was also going to get a Takashi Miike adaptat...

I want to say that whatever happens from here on out is my fault I will never stop running I will never stop being scared I will never stop being paranoid I will never stop feeling like I'm never enough For you, for you, for you, for anyone, for myself I'm sorry for staying in my corner and refusing to face you I'm sorry for choosing to stay miserable I know better than this I don't know if *I'm* better than this It's hard to believe that we live under the same sky Because you don't see those same stars that I see right now I wear my summer clothes in the winter You wear your winter clothes in the summer I'm moving away forever one day But don't hold me to that I only write these things so I can Understand my feelings Please understand my feelings I'm sorry for only ever thinking about my own feelings  These leaves will change colour next season And the next, and the next, and the next I'm so sorry for being unfair I'm so sorry for projec...

woke up bleeding a little i had a dream last night that I stumbled upon an old friend, someone who used to be really important to me's new social media accounts through friend recommendations on tiktok what a scarily real dream and they were doing okay from the looks of it i'm in a complete daze i'm frustrated, i'm tired, i'm sick. i keep so quiet on the express train i'm buried in my phone and i'm digging through friends of friends of friends' lists i've done this many times and yet it never bears fruit and i finally come to dragging my feet in a flat, rustic looking town oh, we're in kyoto now i can't see above me very well with this big snoopy hat in the way the phoebe bridgers song is all that comes to mind when i leave the station the one with the silly music video i'll kill you if you don't beat me to it witch's house on the corner marketplace at the temple white snake in the caravan katana and antique sake bottles  each day...

YAYYYY I love U three dollar hotel convenience store soju YAAYYYY yeeheeee hhaaaa AAAAGH MY CHEST BURNS!!!! AAAAHGGHH EVERYTHING HUETS 6@YSAA yaaay ^-^ ‎                    ‎                    ‎                    ‎                    ‎                    ‎                    ‎                    ‎                    ‎                    ‎                    ‎                    ‎                  ...