biscuit's dreaming; clouds above her head

i got taught how to sew recently the most basic of stitches i watched you so closely when you did it for me but now I can fix my own buttons and plush animals we don't see each other much at all that's fine, that's fine, that's fine i slam my hand down on the needle poking out of the spool and now I'm marked with a little dark dot on my palm like stigmata I weave the needle through my skin the white thread turns to red i can sew my own wounds now so I won't ask you to anymore  

yeah just as an distraction read some more film papers about how to reach abstraction yeah everybody's tried it everyone's written their thoughts so read and read and read and read and read and read until you drop fairy lights all over I've got a pretty tomb this century old building shakes  when I'm having sex with you my brain drops the inhibition no pretenses to be had it's not that you have to but art's easier when you're sad so slap hard me on the ass even though I don't really want you to and sink your jaws into my neck bite way less hard than I ask you to let me scream into my teeth but you need to give me reason to just bite into the fucking apple

not knowing your place in the world is dangerous I've been living on the ground for years now i need to become how i was before  the natural colors of my roots grow in again tangled out grasping for air I'm living that mundane living dream I play pathfinder every monday with my friends and my friends love me and my colleagues think I have potential  I'm not doing much these days but reading through old essay papers from the lauded 20th century film and music artists and I got the feeling that this modest life is sweet she was loved by her friends and family but I've got that sick fetish for necrophilia cast upon myself I want people to read off all the drugs listed in my autopsy I want people to desecrate my grave I want people to deep fake my likeness oh my, that boy sacrificed so much sleepless nights look at the clusters of eczema'd skin dried up along his arm the calloused hands, my god, what a texture, what a shape the worst part is that I yearn for the light t...

 i want to lick your wounds i want you to ask me to lick your wounds i can seal them with my bloody tongue draw circles like an exorcism and you can lick mine too we can suffer together but I'm not the one die then! die then! die then! i told myself I'd just be nice I find it hard to stay in one place In one set of arms everyone likes me but no one loves me everyone wants me but no one needs me everyone wants little rain heather-maria but little rain heather-maria needs everything  i don't like it anywhere necessarily home is anywhere I can sleep around all my stuff  stuck a shut-in where I only feel comfort around my items of cultural capital, plastic paraphernalia shiny metals and fabrics and fantastic illustrations of my fetishized eyes, my I hunger haah, I wish to burn and melt every piece of this cruel multimedia carnival and breathe in the intoxicating cocktail that is burning rare minerals of my circuitboards and plastics and papers - I want to take in the carcinog...

im smoking a cigarette i hear the clacking of my shoes against the concrete i experience the sensations of my body in the cold air tonight i must kill this feeling of obsession im gonna slowly snuff myself out im gonna burn out slowly and surely and feel every single second of it

i tap my foot vaguely in rhythm imperfect in quantization - i am human sometimes i don't really know what they're even singing, sometimes i just try to mimic the sound and pray that it sounds like what they're saying. i'm embarassed that i don't know. i'm even more embarassed of being scared of looking like that i don't know. i press my lovense domi 2 against my ribcage at an angle to hear it perform little paradiddles on my bones and i hug the doll that i mentally project you onto against my fat little stomach i already know you would tell me off for calling myself fat, i know but i have to listen to my body, i have to listen to my heart all this practice and training and dreaming to become something past human fuck, give it up! i am human - now what?