because you're nice to me, you say

 i want to lick your wounds

i want you to ask me to lick your wounds

i can seal them with my bloody tongue

draw circles like an exorcism

and you can lick mine too

we can suffer together

but I'm not the one

die then! die then! die then!


i told myself I'd just be nice

I find it hard to stay in one place

In one set of arms


everyone likes me but no one loves me

everyone wants me but no one needs me

everyone wants little rain heather-maria but little rain heather-maria needs everything 


i don't like it anywhere necessarily

home is anywhere I can sleep around all my stuff 

stuck a shut-in where I only feel comfort around my items of cultural capital, plastic paraphernalia shiny metals and fabrics and fantastic illustrations of my fetishized eyes, my I hunger

haah, I wish to burn and melt every piece of this cruel multimedia carnival and breathe in the intoxicating cocktail that is burning rare minerals of my circuitboards and plastics and papers - I want to take in the carcinogens from my beautiful long haired rei ayanami figurine bathed in fire and absorb them like a fine sift mesh through my lungs into my bloodstream. the fire alarm in this flat is still broken. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

rough draft of a notion of love as philosophy or process

aka:  i don't necessarily know how to communicate how much I mean it when I say "I love you" "I've been ruminating", as I say frequently when trying to explain something (I've been wishing to curb my habits of self-conscious self-reflexivity, but alas), the idea that love exists as one of the eternal orthodox virtues. This was spurred an attempt of mine to read, comprehend and discuss the content of Michel Foucault's article "What is Criticism?" for the 101-level communications course I tutor. It was through my struggle to do so that I conceptualized notions of love that I propose in this piece. Within a tutorial class I ran, (as a strategy to motivate oneself to study and understand academic material) I proposed a notion of "love" as a practice of understanding and comprehension, based on Jeff Rosenstock's claim that "Love is worry," and the Umineko meta-witchian perspective that "Without love, it can not be se
Read more

the miracle that is you

sometimes I like to imagine we walked past each other when I was nine, visiting California with my family like in "Fairytale" of Bluey and you just don't remember it sometimes a miracle has to be nurtured plenty of sunlight and tender mercy you are the miracle one the first miracle in a long sequence of little small favors from destiny I woke up with my back sore the odds, the odds, the odds stack up and i come so close to discovering my limits but i remember, what did i come down all this way for? you, you there will always be a part of my heart that you can find home in "Kairi! I'll come home to you, I promise!" "I know you will!" "Hold me, whatever lies beyond this morning is a little later on. Regardless of warnings, the future doesn't scare me at all. Nothing's like before."
Read more

girl in kyoto (1)

Image
I want to say that whatever happens from here on out is my fault I will never stop running I will never stop being scared I will never stop being paranoid I will never stop feeling like I'm never enough For you, for you, for you, for anyone, for myself I'm sorry for staying in my corner and refusing to face you I'm sorry for choosing to stay miserable I know better than this I don't know if *I'm* better than this It's hard to believe that we live under the same sky Because you don't see those same stars that I see right now I wear my summer clothes in the winter You wear your winter clothes in the summer I'm moving away forever one day But don't hold me to that I only write these things so I can Understand my feelings Please understand my feelings I'm sorry for only ever thinking about my own feelings  These leaves will change colour next season And the next, and the next, and the next I'm so sorry for being unfair I'm so sorry for projec
Read more