i am good, i am evil; carthasis

Being good all my life would not make me happy

Or so I thought


I would be free

I would be as terrible as they told me I was

I would do every rotten thing I could to know my life was mine and free 

But I am terrible as I tell myself I am

I do every rotten thing I could do and I still feel trapped


My god, my god, what have I done to you?

How could what I thought was love hurt you like this? 


I should be forced and tortured into submission to never dream again


I don't think this cartharsis is enough

I think I need to die

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