dying on the side of the road on wet, cold nights like this

you never really remember the nights you spend trying to make your way home from a long distance
in the wet pouring rain
distant lights signal from all directions
you don't remember a night like that
unless you're reliving it all over again

ah, how could I forget the same feeling I had when was coming home pushing two bikes in the howling wind and rain
stumbling and tripping over the curbs of the pavement
my pants getting caught in the bike chains and scraping my skin
keeling over in exhaustion, not even fully making it across the big wide Waihi Rd expanse of asphalt
struggling with every ounce of strength to get home, get home, get warm
telling my parents I'd be home soon, I'd get home soon, refusing their offer to pick me up

how will i forget this night that I got high on half a tab
waved at the bus as it passed by my stop
and ran all the way home in the rain
grinning ear to ear and crying as i recognised the roads down thorndon that we walked down together one sunny afternoon
I could've asked to come over, I should've asked to stay, I should've asked for shelter, I could've asked for comfort

I felt sad, I felt so heavy and drenched again
I remembered Waihi Rd as I crossed this huge wide road that was ten times bigger
and remembered how i wanted to die there that night

I made plans for dates and told people I was okay
I got lost and accidentally circled back to the train station
then I finally got to my flat
i took off my waterlogged shoes at the entrance
shook all the water off of my body like a dog
and thought about home

and one day maybe I will die on the side of the road, curled over, frozen and tired
it would feel so warm, I'd feel so warm
and I'd hope I'd fall asleep smiling