judge, yuri, and executioner

i claw through the archives, every single letter sent 

just to find the exact moment it happened

every single handwritten piece of the alphabet

I scrutinized to find just even a moment in which your hand faltered, not a single letter, not a single line

and I looked at my own scrawl of words to see an ineligible language I had invented just for you

but I left the most important bits unarchived

and what I did write was in code 

the way my body twitches is the record, is the testament

each incriminating piece of evidence transcribed by ear

why must I insist to critically challenge this history that's so blatantly linear and obvious?

i need proof, I need to justify the essentialization of my suffering

but you give me no reason to suffer

there is no guilt to admit