girl in kyoto (1) (1) [朝]

My eyes are dim and heavy this morning.

I'm stronger than this

But I have no agency in my life

I hate being dragged along for shit I don't care about

I hate being treated like a child. I always have.

I hate being called "boy". Funny enough, no one in Japan has made that mistake. Only my family.

I used to grin in glee when people used to call me a girl. Haha!! You must be mistaken. I'm actually a very cute gay boy!!! I silently think to myself.

Now I smile politely and bow lightly and make no fuss of it. That's really kind of you, I silently think to myself.

I stare at the copy of Ryu Murakami's "Coin Locker Babies" on the hotel's book shelf

And I widen my eyes a bit

Ryu Murakami? He wrote the original novel for "Audition"

I wrote about the Takashi Miike adaptation for my film course last trimester

Wow... they have a copy of "Coin Locker Babies"?

Hey -did you know that this book was also going to get a Takashi Miike adaptation but the project was dropped after he couldn't get financing-

Oh, no one here really finds my interests fascinating

No one here really cares about anything I find interesting here

Why would you waste your money on something like this?

What are your plans for the future?

Goddamn, you don't give a fuck at all

Can't I have a night all alone in Kyoto?

Wouldn't it be nice to take a train ride all alone to Kobe

Sit by the window and rest my head against it

Watch the countryside fly back

With my cheap airplane earphones

Leave the station

Walk to the harbourside and think about home

I think about how easy it would be to jump under the...

What line is this? I don't know where we're going today.

They have no protective rail. I could do it right now. I could jump. I could jump. I could jump. I could step over that yellow line. I could do it.

But I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. 

I don't want to be here.

I want a cup of hot sake.

I want a cup of the good stuff.

I want to go back to Akihabara.

I want to abandon all the stuff I bought in a coin locker somewhere.

I want to go home.

I want to take that mescaline.

I want to snort the rest of my ketamine.

I want to chew the rest of my LSD.

I want to have more mirror staring freakouts.

I want to buy a cheap mirror to punch and break.

I want to start smoking.

I want my lungs to shrivel up and turn black.

I want to see you again.