scraped the back of my heel on the brick i use as a doorstop

i wrote a preface for my new year's resolutions for next year this morning

how pretentious is that?

job searching and bloody feet
goofing off
lazy days
doing laundry throughout the whole day
picking up groceries in my little black backpack
watching movies
cooking rice and tuna
office jobs
sex work
bartending
part time jobs I know I'll never get

no matter how much time spend we losing each other in the moments of our youth
eventually I'll have to pick up a second job

nothing is ever free
and nothing is ever easy
but it is worth dreaming about
it is worth wanting

i wonder what will happen next year

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

rough draft of a notion of love as philosophy or process

aka:  i don't necessarily know how to communicate how much I mean it when I say "I love you" "I've been ruminating", as I say frequently when trying to explain something (I've been wishing to curb my habits of self-conscious self-reflexivity, but alas), the idea that love exists as one of the eternal orthodox virtues. This was spurred an attempt of mine to read, comprehend and discuss the content of Michel Foucault's article "What is Criticism?" for the 101-level communications course I tutor. It was through my struggle to do so that I conceptualized notions of love that I propose in this piece. Within a tutorial class I ran, (as a strategy to motivate oneself to study and understand academic material) I proposed a notion of "love" as a practice of understanding and comprehension, based on Jeff Rosenstock's claim that "Love is worry," and the Umineko meta-witchian perspective that "Without love, it can not be se
Read more

the miracle that is you

sometimes I like to imagine we walked past each other when I was nine, visiting California with my family like in "Fairytale" of Bluey and you just don't remember it sometimes a miracle has to be nurtured plenty of sunlight and tender mercy you are the miracle one the first miracle in a long sequence of little small favors from destiny I woke up with my back sore the odds, the odds, the odds stack up and i come so close to discovering my limits but i remember, what did i come down all this way for? you, you there will always be a part of my heart that you can find home in "Kairi! I'll come home to you, I promise!" "I know you will!" "Hold me, whatever lies beyond this morning is a little later on. Regardless of warnings, the future doesn't scare me at all. Nothing's like before."
Read more

girl in kyoto (1)

Image
I want to say that whatever happens from here on out is my fault I will never stop running I will never stop being scared I will never stop being paranoid I will never stop feeling like I'm never enough For you, for you, for you, for anyone, for myself I'm sorry for staying in my corner and refusing to face you I'm sorry for choosing to stay miserable I know better than this I don't know if *I'm* better than this It's hard to believe that we live under the same sky Because you don't see those same stars that I see right now I wear my summer clothes in the winter You wear your winter clothes in the summer I'm moving away forever one day But don't hold me to that I only write these things so I can Understand my feelings Please understand my feelings I'm sorry for only ever thinking about my own feelings  These leaves will change colour next season And the next, and the next, and the next I'm so sorry for being unfair I'm so sorry for projec
Read more