where is my great punishment?

i swear a new curse upon myself
this is my great punishment to myself

I'm distracting myself from the disaster that comes after this
i close my eyes so hard and pretend to be so small and weak
i try to not use teeth

there's a girl inside me who thinks the world of you
there's a girl inside of me who doesn't think anything of you
I try not to use teeth

part of me hates myself for what I did to you way back then
part of me hates you for not punishing me for what I've done to you
I try not to use teeth

hey, hey... I killed that boy for you, I killed that evil thing
I took his neck and watched him go pale
I pushed my thumbs up the soft part of his chin and watched his eyes go bloodshot and wet
I opened my jaw wide and bit into his neck and crushed his little windpipe inbetwixt my teeth
I clawed my way into his skin and flayed him with my jagged nails
I jammed my heel into his skull until I heard a loud crack and the back of my heel caved into his brain
i punished him for you, he's dead and I made sure he suffered
but you should've killed him
you should've killed him
you should've done it
it should've been you
I try not to use teeth

and when i die, ill see every single one of you lined up at the gate
next together with the girl who has been haunting my dreams all my life

why do you have to make me suffer
why must you lie to me and say you've missed me
why must you lie to me and say that you've always thought of me fondly
I don't believe you, I don't
I never believe anyone
so where is my great punishment?
is this it?

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