neurosis habitual stimulation

i tap my foot vaguely in rhythm imperfect in quantization - i am human

sometimes i don't really know what they're even singing,
sometimes i just try to mimic the sound and pray that it sounds like what they're saying.
i'm embarassed that i don't know.
i'm even more embarassed of being scared of looking like that i don't know.

i press my lovense domi 2 against my ribcage at an angle to hear it perform little paradiddles on my bones
and i hug the doll that i mentally project you onto against my fat little stomach
i already know you would tell me off for calling myself fat, i know
but i have to listen to my body, i have to listen to my heart
all this practice and training and dreaming to become something past human
fuck, give it up! i am human - now what?

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